Great Podcast

I really enjoy the Dan Klass podcast, The Bitterest Pill. I won't go into detail about what it is all about, because it is very difficult to describe anyway. Click here if you want to know more.

He is a Dad, and he had a great Dad post. This won't do it justice, but he has a long and crazy day with his kids, and they're acting nuts, but he's trying to do some cool, fun Halloween stuff and everybody is having a good time, but, you know, the kids are pushing back now and then, and its kind of stressful too.

If you're a parent, you have been there. And you're thinking, I wish we were done with this.

Well, in this podcast, Klass realizes that it will be all over...sooner than we think. In his case, in 9 years, and in my case it will be over in six years. I was thinking this same thought this summer when I was standing in line at Mickey's Dairy Twist, our town ice cream stand.

My son has a heroin like addiction to Mickey's. And he is always bugging me to go. We go more than we should, and often I take him under protest. But, I looked at him the other night, in the glow of the big, bright awning they have, and he was so excited and wide-eyed...and then I thought, you know, soon enough you won't have anyone to take to the ice cream stand.

And when you do, you will feel a void, the searing pain of absence. So, don't feel it now, too, right? Feel the presence and the child-like excitement, loosen up a little bit, take things a little less seriously, and enjoy the ride. The park will close soon.

Moose out front will tell you.

Life Crisis

OK, so in the past couple of days, really starting on Monday afternoon, I was faced with a serious personal crisis....life-changing. The kind of thing that in an instant takes everything you thought you knew about your life and throws it out the window.

I have been consumed by fear and anxiety. I was pulling out every self-talk thing I had...

• Thinking about Dan Gilbert, and knowing that my mind will compensate and it won't be as bad as I think.
• Telling myself that there's no point to regretting what has happened in the past, and only a point in moving forward.
• Telling myself to take responsibility for what I was facing.
• Telling myself that people go through what I was facing all the time, and come out happy.

I don't know if any of this worked. I had tons of (probably appropriate) gut-level anxiety, but really only one full-fledged panic attack. So, I got that going for me.

And, I guess you would have to say I coped, right? I mean, I didn't curl up in a ball, kept working, all of that.

But, it was sure hard.

The crisis has passed, and apparently will not come to fruition. The relief was palpable. I don't know how I feel about how I did. It was classic fear and self-recrimination. But, again, there was no meltdown. Just a lot of looking into the abyss.

What a great day it was today. One of the things I am working very hard on is enjoying good things, without letting cares of another day ruin every single moment of every single day, as is my habit. So, my son and I were touring our local parks (long story) and I got this shot at Curtis Park in Saline.

I love the Fall, and it was so wonderful to be out and about, feeling the cool air and getting some exercise, spending Father-son time. I'll have plenty of cares tomorrow....plenty. But, I did better today truly re-creating. Not entirely worry free, but instead of my thoughts being dominated by worry 80% of the time, it might have been 20% of the time.

And in that mind set, you can be at peace....and still perform. Probably better.

I've mentioned before what a tonic exercise is for me....

Took this on a long walk through Gallup Park last Sunday. Will look even better when the colors fully change.....it went directly to my heart.

Other people are not going to decide my mood...

To the best of my ability. So help me God.

On the Way to School

On the Way to School
Originally uploaded by CaptPiper

found this photo on flickr....great shot of a pretty little town and a good place to live. The lighted trees really make the downtown look special. Sometimes, we get used to how something looks and we don't notice anymore what beauty is around us. Then we'll travel across the state (country/world) to see a pretty little town.

Its kind of inspirational....quiet and anticipating, with possibility.

The struggling continues

I woke up twice last night with anxiety attacks, and then was very snappish to people at work. Then, I did some work, got out of the office on a sales call, and things started to come around. Then, I went on a walk tonight, and as I breathed the cool night air into my lungs and got my heart moving, things began to come around. Feeling much better now.

A few things are messed up. I need a point of beginning.