On being a hermit

I am a recovering introvert. That might surprise people who know me, because I can be pretty outgoing. But, the test is whether you draw energy from other people or not.

Not.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not completely on the far side of the scale. I am intovert-ish.

So, in my new life, I have been worried that I might tend to not get out of the house. And that wouldn't be good for me.

This weekend was a good example. I dragged myself to two different things I didn't want to particularly do.

It was, to be candid, a mixed bag. One was OK, but met its low/medium expectations. And one was an outright blast. Lots of fun, glad I went, feeling good.

I'm going to have to challenge myself on days I am alone to get out and do something, even if its only stopping for a cup of coffee and reading for a little while. Because, left to my own devices, I'll stay in here for days.

Re-charging the battery day

Today's a day to re-charge the battery. Its important for me. It is one of those "sweet spot" things where you can easily wallow and then feel like a jerk for letting the day slip away, but sometimes you gotta just pull the plug. Maybe the key is to feel like enough is under control and give yourself permission to shut down everything for a day.

I'm still feeling tired pretty much all the time....not the energy I am used to having. I don't think today is going to restore that, but let's see.

Happiness Project Post

Excellent post over on the Happiness Project, which is one of my inspirations for this blog. Gretchen talks about things you do "for yourself" that might end up making you feel worse, like a treat that makes you feel weak or guilty, or taking a break from a commitment, like exercise.

Its an excellent observation. As with everythere, there is a sweet spot somewhere in there. Sometimes, you do have to take your foot off the accelerator. I went out for a special dinner Friday, and I did feel treated. But, that isn't always the way it works.

One other point I thought was especially valid was one about expressing anger, or "venting." I often fall into this trap, and I find myself spiraling into deeper and deeper anger the longer I talk. It starts to sound good, and you it starts to feed on the oxygen its getting, like a fire.

Of course, NOT expressing your anger isn't any good either. Bottling feelings up only causes problems.

I have been trying to do something else recently, though. As part of my trip up Mount Everest and my search for enlightenment, I am learning to think differently...to not give in to feelings of fear, anger, and resentment. At the end of the day, those things are all in your head, and you can maintain an the correct mixture of acceptance, peace, and action if you decide to.

Its not really about not expressing feelings of anger. Its about (as Gretchen says) staying calm and centered in the first place.

On Enlightenment

You won't find enlightenment until you accept that unenlightenment is ripping a hole in your soul.

Monday morning message....

This message comes from a football coach. When Urban Meyer took over at Bowling Green, he took over a poor team with a losing mindset.

No fan of long-term re-building projects, Meyer told his team... "Why not us? Why now now?"

So, its Monday morning. Want to be happy? Want to change? Want to be a better person, a better employee? Want to do things you never thought you could do?

Think you can't possibly do it?

Why not you? Why not now?

What's going to happen to make it all work? You know the answer....nothing. You're who you are.

And if you're tired of living the old way...why not me? Why not now?

At peace tonight

Good weekend....
Football...
Time to myself....
Time with my son....
Prepped for the week....
Treating myself to Zingerman's...(#24)
Time spent in the woods today, on a crisp Fall day...

And I walked outside Friday night to pay my rent, and I breathed in a big lung-ful of cool Fall air, and I thought, "You know what? All the stuff I was afraid of didn't happen. I spent years afraid my family would break up, years that are ripped from my life. Turns out the answer was not to resist the fears, but to survive their realization."

Could something put a dent in my cynical shell?

I guess so....