A revelation--and step one up the mountain

How I react to the world is all about how I feel about myself....do I think of myself as an assertive, positive force in the world....or do I see myself as a rudderless ship buffeted by the foul winds.

Am I a cause, or am I an effect?

When adversity strikes, who do I think it strikes?

• A man who deserves adversity no more or no less than anyone else does, and who can deal with the next steps without anxiety or self-recrimination. A man comfortable with himself, his destiny and his faults, and not willing to take the blame for the world, just his part.

Or

• A man who believes that he deserves everything the world dishes out to him and worse, who is destined to repeat his mistakes over and over again. A man worthy of his own scorn...and unworthy of being loved unless he does what others want.
  

I am afraid that too often it strikes the second person...and that my self-image and self-talk, while confident in good times, is anxious and fearful under stress. Anxiety leads to depression and avoidance.

I have begun to try and channel the first guy--like when I give a speech, I pause at the mic, and I collect myself, and I think, "be in command of this room." In my funny moments, I call it channeling my inner Dan Draper. I need to do that more. A deep breath, and a simple thought, "be in command of this situation."

There are lots of things coming up....Everest is standing there, and during the walk you will be placed under stress--not the least of which is during the holidays. So, today's first step up the mountain is to take command of myself when I am under stress....just today, just the next time.